Previous English skipper Lewis Moody has revealed he has been identified with motor neurone disease and stated he cannot yet face the full consequences of the muscle-deteriorating condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was a member of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and won several English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after discovering he has the illness.
"There's a certain facing the future and hesitating to really process that at the present time," he commented.
"It isn't that I am unaware of where it's heading. We understand that. But there is definitely a hesitation to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, conversing together with his wife Annie, states rather he feels "peaceful" as he concentrates on his immediate wellbeing, his family and planning ahead for when the disease deteriorates.
"Possibly that's surprise or maybe I deal with matters differently, and after I have the information, it's easier," he stated further.
First Indications
Moody found out he had MND after observing some lack of strength in his shoulder while training in the gym.
After physical therapy failed to improve the issue, a number of scans indicated neural pathways in his central nervous system had been affected by MND.
"You're given this diagnosis of MND and we're appropriately extremely moved about it, but it's quite odd because I feel like I'm perfectly healthy," he added.
"I don't feel ill. I don't experience sick
"The signs I have are quite slight. I have a small amount of muscle wasting in the hand and the shoulder region.
"I'm still competent to accomplishing whatever I want. And optimistically that will continue for as long as is attainable."
Illness Progression
MND can advance swiftly.
As per the non-profit MND Association, the illness takes the lives of a one-third of people within a year and over half within two years of identification, as eating and breathing become more difficult.
Therapy can only retard decline.
"It's not me that I feel sad for," added an affected Moody.
"It's the grief around having to break the news to my mum - as an sole offspring - and the consequences that has for her."
Family Impact
Conversing from the residence with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he spoke about telling his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the devastating news, saying: "This was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two wonderful boys and that was pretty heartbreaking," Moody remarked.
"We sat on the settee in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog bounded over and started licking the tears off our faces, which was somewhat amusing."
Moody said the focus was staying in the present.
"There exists no cure and that is why you have to be very militantly directed on just accepting and savoring all aspects now," he commented.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been truly blessed that the sole determination I made when I retired from playing was to spend as much duration with the kids as possible. We don't get those times back."
Athlete Connection
Top-level competitors are excessively impacted by MND, with investigations proposing the incidence of the disease is up to sixfold greater than in the wider community.
It is believed that by restricting the oxygen available and causing harm to nerve cells, consistent, strenuous exercise can activate the condition in those already predisposed.
Athletic Playing Days
Moody, who won 71 England appearances and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in acknowledgment of his brave, relentless approach to the game.
He competed through a fracture of his leg for a time with Leicester and once sparked a workout confrontation with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he discarded a tackle pad and commenced participating in physical contacts.
After coming on as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the rear of the set piece in the crucial moment of play, setting a foundation for scrum-half Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the match-winning field goal.
Backing System
Moody has earlier notified Johnson, who led England to that victory, and a few other previous players about his condition, but the remaining individuals will be discovering his news with the broader public.
"We'll have a moment when we'll need to lean on their assistance but, at the present, just having that kind of care and acceptance that people are present is the crucial thing," he said.
"This game is such a excellent family.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even if it finished now, I've valued all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"When you get to call your love your vocation, it's one of the greatest privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so long a duration with the squads that I did it with was a joy. And I understand they will want to help in whatever way they can and I await having those discussions."
